Al Horn: Words and Images

There is a saying: when one door closes another opens but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. There was a time I didn’t see any reason to shut the door until I could see the next one is opening. Often, the choice is not ours to make.

I worked for a company for over twenty-nine years and figuratively up and left on a moment’s notice. I gently closed the door, patted my pockets, and walked into the wilderness. After a year’s sabbatical, I ventured back into a workforce resembling Swiss cheese. I spent some time selling computers, cameras, and MP3 players. The discounts were nice but the pay barely covered our expenses. It was time to broaden my horizons. Or, in our case, we traveled 340 miles over the horizon and tried something different.

We plopped down in Junction City, Kansas and prepared to make it our new home. We would take a day each weekend and just drove towards one point on the compass. We took pictures, talked to locals, and took more pictures. We made plans for exploring the countryside once the weather warmed up. Little did I know, the door I had just walked through would turn into a revolving door. I got a quick glimpse of the meat packing industry and was shuffled out with my hat in hand. It must have been something I ate.

Fortunately for me, the door I gently closed eighteen months earlier, opened up and I was invited back in. Who says you can never go home.

My wife and I figured our brief stay in Kansas was just another chapter in our lives. Considering this same plant is scheduled to close within the year, this will represent yet another chapter in a story that may take us who knows where. There are those who embrace change while others continually have it thrust upon them. Resistance is futile.

I’m sure there are others that have a more turbulent story to tell. Me, I am learning to count my blessings. My advice to others; if you find yourself walking or being pushed toward a door, take stock of your surroundings, then put your best foot forward. Remember, when one door closes… keep a key in case you need to return.

Our friends in the scientific community are at it again. A report was released this week inferring that common toads may have been privy to a recent earthquake in Italy. In Chinese mythology, the toad is considered a trickster with secret powers. With a name like bufo bufo, I’m not surprised they rank high in precognitive abilities.

Researchers, with a lot of time on their hands, noticed five days before the ground shaking event that their amphibious wards were making themselves scarce; especially the males. Maybe somebody tipped them off as to what was on the dinner menu at the end of the week. A few days later the females had disappeared as well. Observers were left scratching their collective heads. Nothing a bottle of Head and Shoulders wouldn’t have fixed.

A few days after the earthquake the hopping critters started returning. By day five of the big shake all of them had returned. Researchers believe they detected an increase of radon gas escaping from the earth and headed for higher ground. I hope they detect the mechanisms involved. With such technology we could hang an amulet around my grandson’s neck. When a bubble of gas escapes his body, everybody’s scrambling for a safe haven. Except for the dog.

To be fair, dogs have been known to display their own psychic talents. Witnesses stated two hours prior to the tsunami hitting Sumatra in 2004, dogs all over the island began barking up a storm. The advent of the killer wave’s arrival set them into a frenzy. If someone in my daughters house opens the bottle of dog shampoo while water is running in a tub the dog crawls under a bed and starts howling like a banshee.

I’m not surprised at either report. I believe God has a way of evening things out. Instead of giving animals the power of speech or large malls to shop in, he may have given them an early warning system. If scientist could develop a device for people to wear that would give them ample warning for impending catastrophe, that would be great. While they’re at it, maybe they could vanquish the heartbreak of psoriasis.

We could take a lesson from nature. As a stopgap measure, Italian researchers might consider directing their efforts to teaching dogs to track their frogs. What could it hurt?

This past week two events, possibly related to one another, occurred at almost the same time. As the magnitude of one increased, the other fell quickly into obscurity. By mid afternoon the first event had received worldwide attention while the other disappeared from the internet as if it had never happened. I am recording this for posterity’s sake. Even now, reports I read are sketchy at best in my own mind. Perhaps a higher power is at work.

In a seventeen mile long tunnel between Switzerland and France scientist sped particles almost to the speed of light just to watch them collide. They were attempting to validate certain theories of physics. They were met with limited success.

Part of the expectations included confirmation of a Higgs Boson; often referred to as the ‘God Particle’. Some believe that once such a particle is created it quickly disappears into time and space. For a short period of time thereafter one might recognize some of its followers, WIMP’s (weakly interacting massive particles).

Others feel such experiments might produce small black holes capable of swallowing enormous matter. They should be around when I open my wallet for my grandchildren. Talk about things passing out of existence fast.

The other event, if my hazy recollection still holds. Concerned an experiment held in Scotland outside of a bar called The Haggs Bosum. A group of psychics had gathered to prove a few theories of their own. 1.7 miles away is the town of Bonnybridge. (Notice the numerical relationship?) This small hamlet is known as the UFO capitol of Scotland.

In hopes of creating a large visual effect, they brought members of their inner circle as well as a few attending WIMP’s (well intentioned mental patients). They apparently got more than they bargained for.

Within moments of the collision in the long tunnel of light, a large, shiny sphere appeared over the assembled crowd. Reports say it hovered for a few moments before drifting toward a young woman off to one side. Two short but loud blast shot through the air. Moments later a gap in the overhead stars could be seen.

The young woman, wearing a sweatshirt reading ‘honk if you love the Queen’, twittered to friends in London. “It sucked the bloody ball up and then vanished!”

I’m not sure which of the two stories is hardest to believe.

I have five different email accounts. I’m not bragging, just stating a fact. I have an address for both websites and one with the three largest search providers. Each one serves a distinct purpose. Each one receives its fair share of spam.

I still have trouble thinking of spam as something besides what other kids ate at lunch. (Our mother served its equivalent, Treat, cut up into pieces and mixed into mac and cheese.) I can see them calling the next phase of sticks in your throat mail… taffy? Sweet!

Spam is actually an older term for a group of correspondences that have evolved into specific classes of solicitation.

Chain letters: How many of you opened a letter with an innocent title just to find out that you are now obligated to forward it to ten more people. I love the Lord but I’m not sure I’ll be pushed to the back of the line for not passing on what everybody in my contact list already knows. How many times have you been promised riches if you would only drag ten more people into another person’s fantasy?

Pranks and hoaxes: I like a good joke as much as the next person. Other people must know this or I wouldn’t get the same gag from a dozen different people. I have to admit, I’ve fallen for a few class acts. It’s true; Bill Gates was looking for me. He would write me more often but I suspect a virus wiped out his address book and he hasn’t had time to retrieve my name. (He’ll figure it out – I have faith.)

Viruses: The first time I heard of the Trojan virus I called my pharmacist for advice. Most of these vicious bits of cyber ware will reduce your computer to flashing lights and whirling discs. Boogie down to Best Buy and they will reduce your machines fever and get your display dancing again.

Phishing: A virus will have you crying into your keyboard. A bad piece of phish will have you crying all the way to the bank. If losing your money is bad, how would you like to find out you have checking accounts all over the country… with negative balances! A good phisherman will cast his line millions of times. He only has to set the hook a few times to make a fat living.

They rarely complain about the ones that got away.

Just as Lynnette and I have uprooted and moved away from our old stomping grounds. We are making a break from our old writing web site. On May 1st we will, for all intents and purposes, shut down Horn’s Bar and Grill.

HB&G served it’s purpose in that it gave us an opportunity to write with the intent of sharing said writing with others. Because of our change in lifestyles and attitudes, the original theme has become outdated. We will be taking our writing to a different venue with changes in presentation.

Come May we will create within Lynnette’s web site, littlebits-dal.com, a section tentatively titled “Horn’s Literary Cafe”.

Our blogs will replace the old From the Tap section as blogs tend to attract a larger and more attentive audience. The blogs will be used as an outlet for musings and images as we roam the local countryside in search of things of interest. We will share verbally and pictorially our observations. From time to time, like many bloggers, we will share our take on current events.

When the winds of change blow into your life you can resist and risk being bent beyond all recognition or you can stretch your wings and enjoy the ride!